11/02/2026
MEANWHILE, AT HATHAWAY’S…
Episode 40: The Putty Knife Has Seen Things
There are moments in retail when you discover a problem and think:
I don’t get paid enough for this.
And then there are moments when you discover a problem and think:
There is absolutely no amount of money that would make this okay.
Today we’re talking about the men’s bathroom.
More specifically…
THE BO**ER WALL.
Yes.
Boogers.
On the wall.
Beside the toilet.
Not one accidental situation.
We’re talking about dried, crusted, apparently load-bearing boogers that had become one with the building.
And here’s the part I cannot get past:
THERE IS LITERALLY TOILET PAPER RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT. THERE.
You are already sitting beside an entire roll of paper specifically designed for the disposal of bodily substances.
Yet at some point, a grown human being apparently looked at the toilet paper…
looked at their finger…
looked at our wall…
and thought:
Wall. Definitely the wall.
WHO RAISED YOU?!
At first, I tried cleaning them like a civilized person.
Absolutely not.
These things had cured.
They had been aged.
Seasoned.
Possibly load-bearing.
So eventually I did what any experienced hardware-store employee would do.
I GOT A PUTTY KNIFE.
And you know what?
Worked like a charm.
Which means I can now confidently add another item to the list of uses for a putty knife:
Drywall compound. ✔️
Wood filler. ✔️
Scraping paint. ✔️
Removing adhesive. ✔️
Chiseling someone else’s petrified boogers off a bathroom wall. ✔️
Ace really wasn’t kidding about being The Helpful Place.
I just don’t think this is what they meant.
So today’s friendly Hathaway’s PSA:
If you find yourself in our men’s bathroom and suddenly need somewhere to deposit something that came out of your nose…
USE. THE. TOILET. PAPER.
Please.
I am begging you.
Because apparently our employee handbook needs another chapter:
“Bodily Fluids, Mystery Substances & When to Just Grab the Putty Knife.”
Meanwhile, at Hathaway’s…
Putty knives aren’t just for home improvement anymore.
And this particular one has officially been removed from customer service. 😂