02/15/2022
WHAT EVERY ENTREPRENEUR SHOULD KNOW:
Keep this in mind, if you're new to being an entrepreneur:
YOU are an exception. Everyone you grew up with (or most of them) have jobs. They are employees. They think like employees. (There's nothing wrong with that... the business world needs employees). But they don't think like business owners or entrepreneurs.
That may not seem significant to you, but it very much is. Here's how it shows up in your life:
You're excited and energized to do something new and productive, spread your wings and give it your best shot to elevate your success, improve your income, make a difference, etc.
So it might surprise you when the people closest to you, those who have "always been there" for you, turn negative when you expect them to be supportive. Don't think it will happen? Think again.
Your friends and family, your entire support structure, is used to the employee mentality. They find comfort and security in going to work, putting in a solid work day, going home on a predictable schedule, and collecting a steady, consistent, expected paycheck to compensate them for their time and effort. They're trading time for money. In turn, they know they're only responsible for what they do at work, but they are NOT responsible for the business, itself. To them, they'd much rather know that they are only captive to someone else's agenda for a set period of time each day, and beyond that, they're free to spend time with friends and family as they see fit. They might struggle to make ends meet from time to time, and they may not have much saved for retirement, but that's not something that they dwell on day-to-day. They've found their routine and they're COMFORTABLE with it. Even if they claim to "hate their job", the fact that they do nothing to change their circumstances shows that they are "comfortably miserable". Their lifestyle reflects typical employee values and priorities.
Again, there's nothing "wrong" with that... it's not a "right or wrong" thing. What feels right for one person might be the wrong path for another. The prospect of starting a business doesn't sound exciting to them. It sounds scary. There's too much risk involved for their liking. Being an entrepreneur is INCONVENIENT and to some extent unpredictable. In fact, the idea of starting their own business conjures up all of the nightmare horror stories they've heard and/or seen over the course of their lives with people who owned businesses: personnel issues, economic recession and failures, the local mom & pop shop that failed, brick & mortar stores downsizing, the financial investment risk of loss, and in the case of home-based businesses, the propensity for scams and schemes, etc. In short, they fixate on ALL of the negative and their own personal fears, and they transfer all of that negativity to YOU with warnings, cautions, discouragement, etc.
And it will SURPRISE you. It really doesn't matter how successful you've been in your career, how smart you are, how much you know, what credentials you have, or what kind of business you are going to start. You'll get pushback from your trusted support structure. Suddenly you will find yourself trying to DEFEND your decision and your passion to build a business. Your "support structure" will see it that you're straying from the pack. That will be a very frustrating experience for you if you're not prepared for it.
You'll be in CONFLICT. The shift in your priorities and values has begun. You're reading this because you already see the value and potential to do more for yourself and raise the bar. THEY don't like it and aren't on board with you. You believe in yourself enough to strive for more. They don't believe THEY could do it themselves, and in many cases THEY feel more "capable" than YOU, so they will actively DISCOURAGE you whereas YOU thought they would embrace you. So even in this early point of your entrepreneurship, the seeds of disparity between YOUR interests and THEIRS have been planted. And that can hurt. You'll learn who your friends are... and aren't.
The more you focus on building your business, the more you'll be watering those seeds. (Don't worry, there will be plenty of "fertilizer" from your support structure, if you know what I mean).
Sometimes they'll do it with "kindness" and the intent to "protect" you from what they, themselves, are insecure about. They don't want to see you fail, so they "encourage" you to find a better job, stick with what you know, think about your family and what it might cost them, etc. They'll impose their own limitations on YOU. They're trying to "protect" you from their own fears and insecurities that hold them back and pin them down.
Actually, this is "NORMAL" behavior. Want proof? Look up "Crab Mentality" or "Crabs in a bucket". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality
Sometimes they'll do it with jealousy and spite, and even anger if you don't adhere to their admonishments. "You aren't smart enough to do that." Or, "That business won't work. You're being foolish." Or, "You know, I've known you since you were in diapers and frankly I think this is just another one of your crazy ideas." And THAT's your support structure? Yep. Sure is.
What it boils down to is this: If you see the value of self-improvement, spreading your wings to fly, and reaching higher heights to achieve greater success, income, retirement, etc. you pose a THREAT to the social norms of the people who you hang out with and who are supposed to support you. THEY fear that if you fail, you'll become a charity case to them and need them to bail you out. But if you SUCCEED, you'll leave them behind and they'll be the ones feeling like a failure. Either way you look at it, you are RIGHT NOW in a different place than THEY are, mentally. That's the reality of it.
I've never liked the expression, "Don't give up on your dreams". Entrepreneurs aren't "dreamers" per se. "Dreaming" never created reality. Hard work, focused goals, and commitment create your reality. So I prefer to say, "Don't give up on working towards your goals." Perhaps better said, "Don't give up on YOURSELF... and your future."
Also be ready for this: WHEN you succeed, the people who were discouraging and tried to hold you back will become the charity cases. Almost without fail, some of them will begrudgingly see YOUR success as their opportunity to receive a handout. Suddenly, in their minds, YOU'RE making big money, so they feel like you should help them out-- they're your friends and family after all, right?
If they thought you were "dumb", then your success means that you got "lucky", so you ought to share (in their opinion). If instead, they acknowledge the hard work you did to achieve your success, then they'll see you as "privileged", and they'll appeal to your sense of human decency to help them get out of THEIR rut. (C'mon, be a pal!)
Suddenly with your success, their lack of support will be conveniently forgotten, and if you DON'T give them charity, they you are "stuck up", "greedy", "forgot where you came from", "holier than thou", "too good for them", and any number of other labels they will assign to you because they can't face their own inadequacies and apathy, or accept responsibility for their life choices. They'll resent you even more. IT WILL HAPPEN, I'm sorry to say. If those are your "friends", find new friends.
LESSON LEARNED: Don't let yourself become their winning lottery ticket. YOU EARNED SUCCESS... despite the odds, and in the face of their protests. Your success wasn't handed to you. And despite how much you might want to see THEM succeed, you can't "drag" them across the finish line. They have to want it for themselves if it is going to last for them.
Does that mean that you "forget about your friends"? NO, not at all. You aren't any "better" than them as a person. You'll still like them, and hopefully they'll still like you. But YOU'VE grown, whereas THEY have not... and now your VALUES and PRIORITIES are different. People sometimes drift apart when that happens.
In your progression through the journey of success, you will make NEW friends whose interests are more aligned with where you're going rather than where you've been. You never have to say "farewell" based on material achievements.... but as your interests and lifestyles diverge from those of current relationships, it's an inevitability that you will discover that some of your "friends" -- aren't.
It is a foreign concept to people who have never over-achieved to pursue "greatness", build wealth, etc. But most successful entrepreneurs that I know are earnestly HAPPY to help others who sincerely want to improve their plight in life. Successful people don't see it as "charity" to help others succeed, as long as the success of others is from their own hard work. It's that old expression, "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." Giving a fish is charity, and don't expect it. Others will expect it from you, but then they will become co-dependent on you to feed them. TEACHING someone to fish is paying forward the gift that most successful entrepreneurs received along the way, themselves.
It's an arrogant fool who claims that they achieved success all by themselves and who takes all the credit. Yes, they may be self-made by their drive, ambition, and commitment. But the stars and planets didn't align for them by pure luck. There was advice, coaching, and or some kind of tangible or intangible encouragement along the way from people who wanted to see them make it.
So regarding friends and family (your current support structure), love them but don't hang your hat on expecting their blessing as you start your venture. And if it's a home-based business like AMSOIL that you're building, expect an extra dose of ridicule and beratement from people for being involved with "one of those 'things'." (To this day, no one has satisfactorily explained to me what those "things" really are. People just make ignorant assumptions and try to shut you down. Crabs in a bucket.)
There is a reason for the expression, "It's lonely at the top." It doesn't have to be "lonely", because successful people hang out with other successful people. But as you grow, fewer people from your original, familiar crowd will continue your journey with you. It's not because they "can't" or are somehow not "allowed" to; it's because they won't WANT to. They'll feel the pull to what's familiar and be drawn back by that lure, unwilling to leave their comfort zone. Crabs in a bucket.
As a yardstick to measure your own success, it's a pretty widely-accepted truth that YOUR income is the average of the income of your five closest friends. That's not to say that you pick your friends based on their bank balances. That's not it, at all.
Here's what happens: As you move up the ladder of success, your core circle of friends will change (naturally) because you'll have more in common with your NEW friends-- people (both in priorities and in values) who are more successful, like yourself. And you'll find that even MORE successful people will "reach down to pull you up", rather than your old friends who try to reach up to pull you down.
Regarding your current friends and family, you will often have to remind yourself at the end of the day that YOUR success isn't dependent upon THEIR approval of you. And right along with that, their disapproval or scorn towards you doesn't have ANY impact on your income or the lifestyle you have worked to achieve. Don't let their jealousy or begrudging nature impact your spirit. It always kind of hurts to "outgrow" someone.... because deep down, a real achiever wants to reach out and pull people up WITH them. But THEIR choices should not consume you.
An under-achiever (or a person with complacent, mediocre aspirations) doesn't understand these concepts at a very basic level. Again, it's not because they're necessarily stupid... it's because the NEGATIVE person doesn't understand why one person would work hard to embrace another.
Their first thoughts are, "What's in it for YOU? There's got to be a catch. People don't GIVE without some kind of selfish incentive or agenda." The negative person can't get out of their own rut, themselves, because of their own negative attitude. And their focus on "every man for himself" is the same negative attitude that perpetuates their own continued failures. It's a vicious cycle for them, so they resent someone else for being an achiever. Rather than feeling happy for the successful person, they feel entitled and indignant. To be successful, YOU have to distance yourself from that kind of influence.
YES, there is an incentive and something "in it" for the successful person to help another person succeed. It gives the successful person a sense of purpose beyond themselves. It makes them feel like they're making a difference by helping other people make a difference. THAT"S WHY Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and hundreds of other self-made millionaires give a lot of money away through charities and apprenticeships. (The negative person reading this just thought, "No, it's because they need the tax deduction to get richer", in which case you need a brain spanking and an attitude change).
People in the 1% who built businesses have more money than they would ever need for the rest of their lives. They worked for it. They didn't win it in a lottery.
In fact, lottery winners typically end up broke and destitute because the lottery "gave them the fish". Once it's spent, they no longer have the income to support their artificially lavish lifestyle.
Truly successful people learn how to manage their money via changes in their values, priorities, and financial education.
And consider this, regarding the wealthy... Income tax is based on... well, INCOME. The rich have enough money that they don't need to work anymore. But often times the DO work, helping others. If they just lived off of their wealth, they wouldn't have to pay any income tax because they'd have paid it on the INCOME when it was earned in years prior-- so they wouldn't need the tax write-offs. Obviously their income tax is less than the income they make... it's a percentage. So that means they're earning income through investments and business dealings... which means that they are contributing to the success of others. Remember that difference in mentality between employees and entrepreneurs? Bring this up at the dinner table, and that's when the fight will start.
By becoming an entrepreneur, you are consciously choosing to embark on a journey to earn more than you can spend, because your income is not capped. You are also willingly volunteering (like it or not) to deal with a lot of "fertilizer" from naysayers. Someday, it's very likely that you will find the internal passion to reach out and help others who need it, want it, AND are willing to work for it.
Remember this: You can't save the world. Actually you can't save ANYONE. (And that's where people fail, trying...) People have to be interested enough in their own success to save themselves, but have the right positive attitude, humility, and willingness to reach up and seek the mentorship of the successful person's example. The only thing that you can do from "above" is keep an eye out for the right people who extend their hand up, so you can reach out to the right people.
That may sound aloof, or arrogant, or conceited..... don't take it that way. You have your own priorities (family, security, etc.) and you have the same 24 hours in a day that everyone else has. So you have to establish some sort of standards and criteria to choose with whom you'll spend your time.
Why am I writing all of this to you, when in actuality you likely know very little about me and we've probably never met? Because I care. And if you can learn some of these lessons from the success and experience of others, it will save you a tremendous amount of time, grief and strife as you start your journey as an entrepreneur.
Hopefully you learn from the coaching and experience of others rather than create obstacles for yourself by paying tuition to the School of Hard Knocks.
Some of your more difficult challenges as an entrepreneur won't be financial, managerial or logistical. They'll be emotional. Take it on board. Internalize this message. Digest it. Put it in perspective with your own goals and priorities. And now, GO GROW!
Crab mentality, also known as crab theory,[1][2] crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".[3] The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when th...
