02/07/2013
TEACH THE PLAYER
"Don’t hate the player. Hate the game."
I don't remember the first time I heard that phrase. All I remember is that when I did hear it, it sounded pretty cool.
I'm not even sure why. I just figured it was a pretty cool thing to say. I wonder just how many boys my age thought it was cool too. I wonder how many went even further to think that being a player was a really cool thing.
Funny enough, that's how we guys operate.
We hear things from other guys (age mates and older) that eventually form our world of acceptable norms. Unfortunately, this training is rarely the kind that helps breed gentlemen.
Girls, on the other hand, get first class training from all females around them when they are growing up. For example, if a young girl sat with her legs apart, the nearest woman would quickly correct her: "Sit properly dear. A lady shouldn't sit that way." Training her to be a lady with that simple opportunity.
If a little girl had a dirty room, her mom would quickly correct her. "You must learn to keep your room neat. After all, you'll have to keep a home someday." Training her to be a homemaker.
At some point that little girl's mother would teach her to cook, reminding her as she did that one day she would have to cook for HER family. Teaching her to nurture. As that little girl grows, she’ll receive a thousand lessons reminding her that one day she’ll be 'somebody's wife,' 'somebody's mother' and have to take care of her home. (Equipping her to be responsible).
Sadly though, you’ll hardly ever find a father inviting his son to his office to watch him work saying to him “You’ll one day have to provide for your own family."
No, those kinds of statements generally don't happen.
“One day you’ll be someone’s dad”, “One day you’ll be someone’s husband." Nobody is preparing guys for the life of responsibility that lies ahead.
Rather, boys are taught that being a ‘Player’ is cool. Being unfaithful to his partner is often rewarded with praises from his peers and often even his elders. Eventually, he’ll grow up to be just like every other player in his sphere of influence. And some girl will one day conclude after looking at him that “All men are dogs.”
In essence you are a result of the things you were taught growing up. You become what you were told you could be. It’s time for us to even out the odds. It’s time to start training BOYS to one day be MEN.
So the next time you see a young man with tendencies to be a player, do his future wife a favor and tell him he could be different from all the guys around him. Give him the kind of advice you got as a kid. This time, don’t hate the player. Simply teach him.